Gold Medalist Squashed by Fat Kid During Leap Frog Championships

Conrad Walker in TIMEOUT Pen Yard

(Québec City, CA) - Tragedy struck the annual Leap Frog Championships this past Friday, as Canadian Leap Frog captain Sally Blininings, 10, was brutally squashed by her obese team assistant captain, Conrad Walker, 9. 

Sally, three time gold medal winner, was declared squashed as leap frog enthusiasts looked on.

Three Students Dead; Doctor Wrongfully Prescribed Mt. Dew

(TBN) - Philip Shtiltborn, pediatrician, was arrested early Wednesday morning for alleged extreme malpractice.  According to police reports, the doctor recklessly prescribed local children medicinal Mountain Dew as an anti-depressant, instead of more traditional and legal FDA approved drugs. The prescriptions resulted in three preteen casualties, reported to have died from the Over-Dewing (OD).