There was a time in life when the purity of youth could not be threatened. Those were the days when NC-17 movies were easy to detect and, thus, easy to condemn. Most were poorly-acted, raunchy affairs, where the main actors were clearly only in it for a quick paycheck, money they would surely spend on filling their face-holes with vices beyond the wildest dreams of even the most decadently syphilitic cesar. Well, those chaste days may be over, as the latest NC-17 movie - Steve McQueen's Shame - is being widely hailed by critics as a film that could legitimize the taboo rating. If you think this is a good thing, then clearly your liberal brain has been damaged from participating in too many drum circles. Allow me to educate you on exactly why you, and Shame, should be ashamed of yourselves.
Unlike the Spanish Inquisition, or segregated water-fountains, the deterioration of the NC-17 rating isn't just another example of how all good things eventually come to an end. Shame is currently paving the way for other movies to think that letting it all hang out is the best way to take home that Hollywood's most acclaimed and phallic symbol: the Oscar. You might scoff at the idea, but a similar trend reared it's head among actors in recent times. Dustin Hoffman, Sean Penn, and Tom Hanks all attempted some form of "full retard," a term coined by a black faced Robert Downey Jr in Tropic Thunder, in their attempts to acquire Mr. Oscar. If this smut is associated with critical success, then what's to stop someone like Abe Vigoda from thinking he could revitalize his career by going full-frontal?
My goodness, it's bad enough that even with an R rating I already have the naked images of Diane Keaton, Kathy Bates, and former pro-wrestler Chyna seared into my memory. If anything, we don't need a relaxation of the rules, but perhaps an overhaul of the rating's system that would put even PG movies up for closer scrutiny. When I was in the 5th grade, The Little Mermaid was the most widely accepted children's movie about bestiality I'd ever even. I nearly swallowed my tongue when the kindly prince lifted that fish-woman out of the water and kissed her. Even at my young age, I knew this kind of accepted filth would cause America to backslide into behaviors fit for a strip club bathroom.
Let's not let this moral decline take us down any further. Write to your congressperson. Tell them about the visual atrocities currently occurring in your local cinemaplex. If enough of us voice our opinion, we'll ensure art-house filth like Shame (a movie I haven't seen and refuse to see) will be replaced by good, wholesome entertainment, like Jack and Jill. Adam Sandler, now there's a guy who knows how to make a good movie.