Homeless Man Buys House With Smiles

DES MOINES, Iowa - Homeless man Darrell “Skunkbite” Pringle has purchased a home using the smiles he collected over the years. The home, a 2,700 square foot building in the heart of Des Moines, has a street value of over 900,000 smiles. Pringle said he stumbled on the idea for his now iconic saying - “Anything helps, even a smile” - when a passerby said he didn’t have any change to give “but he’d give me a smile if that’d help.”

Uncle Sam Files For Chapter 11

(TBN) - The United States of America has joined Blockbuster, Linens ‘n Things, and Atari in the unemployment line. Uncle Sam, who is normally seen standing outside of businesses, dancing and cajoling in attempt to bring in customers, was seen in poor spirits on Wednesday.

“I love actin’ a fool,” Sam told reporters at a press conference before emotionally breaking down. He was then led away by his wife, The Statue Of liberty, and their son, an inflatable tube thing that appeared to be on a controlled substance.