Sunday, August 7, 2011

Child Arrested After "Big" Style Gypsy Curse

Charles, 7, Mugshot
(TBN) - In a story of life imitating the movies, Charles Grungle has been released from prison after authorities learned he was not a pedophile, but he was actually a 7-year-old child who had been the victim of a "Big" style gypsy curse.

Police officers first became aware of Charles (left) when citizens started to report seeing a grown man making out with a small child all around town.

The small child turned out to be 10-year-old Macy Dillon, the girl he was going steady with.

Gypsy curses, while rare, are known to affect 1 in 100 adults/children. Most recent, celebrity Doug Hutchison revealed that he was not a creepy 51-year-old actor married to a curvy 16-year-old child, but he is actually a 19-year-old college student.

Doug's doctor told Us Magazine: "A 19-year-old dating a 16-year-old is still kind of gross and white-trashy, but not as gross as his gypsy curse has led the media to believe."

Though Doug is unsure of the exact moment he was cursed, he has speculated it might have occurred when he had unprotected sex with a gypsy at a truck stop back in 1982. "I was so young back then. Look what that gypsy did to me ... these hands … they used to be such strong hands … they look like strong hands, don’t they?"

According to Charles' arresting statement, the curse occurred when he was riding his skateboard down a hill and slammed into Miranda Vasputzi, a gypsy who was out walking her prize-winning, potbellied show pig.

Dead, Delicious Pig
Porky died in the collision, prompting the gypsy to curse Charles. Initially ignoring her strange voodoo threats, he woke up the next day to find his physical appearance altered. When Charles confronted the gypsy about the curse, she told him all he had to do was apologize.

"I was about to apologize when I noticed she was eating bacon," Charles told reporters. "She cursed me for killing a pig she wanted to eat? I refused to apologize on the principle."

Charles and Macy
In a sit down interview with TBN, Charles who remains in his adult form, spoke of his time in prison, and how it only strengthened the love he and Macy share.

"Before I went to prison, Macy was on the fence about dating me because I was so much younger than her. She saw how maturely I handled my prison tenure and now we have a solid foundation."

"I can see a future with Charlie*," Macy told reporters. "We've talked about sharing a locker in the next couple of years."

*Macy and Charles broke up a few days after their interview.


Charles is expected to re-enter Peoria Elementary in a few weeks, and analysts are already stating that he is a shoo-in for 4th grade's most eligible bachelor. "I'm ready to move on with that time in my life," Charles reassured TBN on a follow-up phone interview. When asked about future romance, he said: "I think I'll try to date someone closer to my age."

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