Blast From The Past: Planking

whales have been planking for years. 

(TBN) - Remember the good old days, when kids use to die in respectable ways, like choking themselves while masturbating? Well, step aside suffocated orgasm, there’s a new kid-killer on the block: Planking!

For those of you who aren't in the know, PLANKING is a hybrid sport that started as a reaction to being raped while jumping out of a plane to catch a criminal mastermind - James Bond style. While that last sentence is not true, it is way better than the reality that Planking originated in the minds of two bored, English teenage boys. And because these kids invented planking when they could have been doing something more productive, like docking, people are dead.  

Live by the Plank.

And of course people are going to die. Pushing the limits of Planking represents the human desire to be the first to take a trend to new levels. Elegant in its simplicity, and very lax in it’s skill requirements, anyone can plank. So standing out above other dedicated plankers means having to think more bigger and more death defyinglier. And in the race for plank supremacy, casualties are inevitable and boring.

However, implying the art of planking is inherently dangerous is ignorant.  Anyone with enough chutzpah to dream of the biggest plank-stunt will have a photo to show the rest of the world, “I did it first.” In our social-media age, one could argue how this notoriety is something worth dying for.

However, it’s this pride-driven impulse that pushes planking enthusiasts to extremes that can cause unemployment and even death (especially in the Australia, where planking is the second most popular national pastime after drinking all day at your wallaby sexfarm). 

At the end of the day, planking is a trend which is not likely to cause death, but it is a trend that attracts the kind of people who could potentially die while planking. Imagine the scenario where you’re a grown ass person. You get a call that your son or daughter has died in a planking accident - after the fourth time the police officer describes what planking is, you realize that you’ll never wonder what great things your child would have gone on to do had they not died. Bitter-sweet?