(TBN) - A class of Pennsylvanian 8th graders recently spent their field trip lunch at a Hooters in Baltimore Maryland. Parents, initially outraged that their children were allowed in a place as morally depraved as Baltimore, agreed that seeking refuge inside a Hooters was the right course of action.
According to the teacher in charge, the waitresses welcomed the group into the Hooter’s sanctuary, fed them hot wings, gave them blankets for warmth and performed synchronized dances in an effort to take the student’s minds off the homeless man they’d just seen masturbating into a hat. The homeless man was later revealed to be the mayor.
Baltimore has spent the last decade falling from grace since it rose to fame back in the early 1980’s with its haunting portrayal of New York in the movie Escape From New York. Baltimore - known for its method acting - chose to live in a dark, lower Manhattan apartment in the several months leading up to the filming so that it could get into the mind of New York. Baltimore’s portrayal was critically acclaimed, but Charm City was never the same. Around that time, Baltimore fell into drugs and was seen constantly in the company of Mackenzie Phillips.
The students are expected to be returned to their parents after a mandatory 30 day quarantine ensures the teens are clean and/or not John Waters - who was banished to Baltimore after Frodo successfully destroyed the One Ring.
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