Cabbage Patch Kids In Custody After Birth Certificates Revealed As Forgeries

Truck driver's mugshot.

(TBN) - Several illegal Cabbage Patch Kids were found hiding in the "human cargo hold" of an 18-wheeler as it attempted to cross the Mexican-American border. Officers became suspicious after the driver of the truck was unable to answer their questions.

"She was clearly high on some drug, rambling about  'the worst thing I ever seen.' Then she freaked out in some meth induced seizure," Officer Grundle told reporters. "We pulled her out of the truck, tazed her and got the cuffs on her. That's when we heard rustling coming from the trailer, which could mean only one thing."

Forged Birth Certificate

Officers opened the trailer to find the Cabbage Patch Kids crammed into a hidden compartment. "It's clear these Kids hadn't showered or eaten in at least a few days," Grundle stated. Children from a nearby elementary school were called in to comb the Kid's hair and feed them imaginary milk until INS was able to come in and take the Kids back to Mexico.

Officers note this incident is a troubling sign, as whoever did this was a professional. "They went through the trouble of falsifying birth certificates and passports for each of the Kids," Grundle said. "If we hadn't stepped in, these Mexican [Cabbage Patch Kids] could have been adopted by unsuspecting American children. It's not that they don't deserve a good quality of life, it's that my job is to make sure we protect our borders and keep these Kids from taking away cuddles from American Dolls.

--- In A Related Story ---

Rochester MI - Nine-year-old girls are celebrating their monumental court victory which will allow them to breastfeed their Bebe Gloton dolls in public. The case first became news when a 9-year-old girl in Rochester MI was arrested for indecent exposure at a White Stripes concert while trying to breastfeed her doll.

The case made it all the way to the supreme court, which ruled "the Child-Dolly bond cannot, and will not be recognized as indecent. Those who find a problem with such behaviors must look within themselves to understand what it is that creates prejudice and judgement where understanding should thrive."