Schweddy Balls is New Ben and Jerry's Flavor

Looks like the guys at B and J 's have gone balls deep in dishing out a nice scoop of taste ... and civil rights. Yeah, you heard me. The Vermont duo's most recent delicious dish - named Schweddy Balls - is ruffling the feather's of the status quo who feel the name of the product pushes the boundaries of decency. I applaud Ben and Jerry. It's about time a junk food tore down the oppressive walls of what the establishment considers a socially acceptable double-entendre.

Saturday Cartoons: Parker St. - My Three Crushes

Parker St Episode 3 'My Three Crushes' from Parker St on Vimeo.

Noah Besser, the man behind Parker St., has created a series that charms in both its simplicity and depth. The characters are so crudely drawn and filled with such sincere emotion that one can't help but feel this is how we humans, in our most fragile moments, must appear to whatever gods are looking down on us. Take a moment out of your busy schedule and enjoy the emotional gauntlet of unrequited love: Episode 3 - My Three Crushes.

Man Wakes Up With Iphone Strapped To His Body

Simon Leman claims the last thing he remembers is picking out a few choice berries from a bush outside his house. "[...] and then I feel a sting in my backside. When I woke up, there was an Iphone strapped to my chest."

This marks the 3rd time in as many days that a person has woken with some type of smartphone affixed to their body. Though not much is known at this time, it appears that several corporations have employed the help of wildlife experts to use smartphones as a method of keeping tabs on human migration and spending habits.

More on this story later.

Nebraska High School Grinds To A Halt

(OPINION) - The kids at Lincoln's Southeast High School have been put on notice for this year's homecoming. Any student caught engaging in pre-cum inducing dance maneuvers (aka grinding) will politely be asked to leave the premises. Yawn.

If you're like me, you never attended high school dances because you felt like they were sterile affairs meant for people who got high on the approval of their knuckle-dragging peers. Also, after my girlfriend accidentally carved her initials onto her teacher's face during a field trip misunderstanding, she was prohibited from ever being near school property again. So, I could never bring a date anyway.

The Optimistic Nihilist: Bucket Pissed

They call old age "the golden years." It's a time of relaxation and enjoying the spoils of wisdom. However, for one elderly Pennsylvania man, "golden years" takes on a more literal meaning when it comes to dealing with unruly punks.

Guy Gets Into Fat Suit

No, this isn’t a Nutty Professor fat suit. A New York man, just shy of 300 pounds, is suing White Castle for failing to make the booths in their restaurant large enough to accommodate his corpulent carriage. Claiming the burger chain’s restrictive seating is a violation of the “civil rights of fat people,” the bloated Rosa Parks wannabe told reporters, “I just want to sit down like a normal person.”