Pet of the Week: Looking for love?

Try standing directly under the bowels of Justin Timberbat!

Totes Cute; Amirite?!!!

For those of you true romantics who believe that love is a gift from the sky that will fall happily into your lap, you're absolutely right. Love will fall right into your patient lap...right out of the asshole of Justin Timberbat. As spotted in the night sky, this little fellow will win you over with the love nectar he poos from his heart shaped anus. Stand right under this handsome fellow and he'll make it rain! Precious!



It's true that love is like irritable bowel syndrome, your heart is your bowel and affection is diarrhea. So when you let someone close to you, you are essentially shitting emotions all over them. Sure, that person can leave you but they'll never feel clean again. And that's what love is really all about right? LOL.

Justin Timberbat is the perfect mate to play emotional scat with and that's why he's Pet of the Week.

 He has the beautiful ears of rabbits..big enough to hear all about the boyfriends who mistreated you in the past. He can hear your ex boyfriend  from miles away... when he's coming back home early in just enough time for you to hide in the closet and get one more sniff of his dirty britches! And should your ex walk in while you carve his name in your arm in his bed, your bat buddy will quickly nibble on him, just enough to distract him with rabies while you make a narrow escape. That's true friendship!  :)

He's electrocuting the Biebs in the photograph, but that must be entirely Bieber's fault. I mean, he probably just got in the way again or something, right? Right?!  :(   Ohh what's adorbs is he's probably about to peck the eyeballs right out of the Biebs's head.


Likes: Stalking. Smelling fear. Bloodsucking.

Dislikes: Healthy competition. Being forgotten, neglected, or replaced. Bodies of water. Children.


XOXO

Amber Bixby