Breaking News - Economy Found Dead

(TBN) - In the wake of S&P downgrading the U.S. credit rating, The Economy was found dead in his apartment early Saturday morning. Neighbors reported hearing moaning and wailing, followed by multiple gunshots. EMTs arrived and pronounced The Economy dead at the scene. 


Friends of The Economy say they knew he had been suffering from depression for a while, but are shying from speculation that this was anything more than an accident. However, witnesses reported hearing someone who sounded like the Economy yell out between gunshots, "why am I not dead yet? Are you kiddin' me!" and "Oh thank god, I'm dying. I'm dying! Wait, I'm going to miss the next episode of Breaking Bad? I wish I was dead! Are you kiddin' me! Oh good I am d..."

Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner said in his statement to the press: “When I saw [the Economy] a few days ago, he was in relatively high spirits. Though he did say he was so poor that his last meal would probably be a bullet and that he wanted to die. At the time I thought it was a joke. We both laughed for a while. Well, hindsight is 20-20." 

The Economy in "Tech Boom!"

Many people may remember The Economy as the spunky child-star who played a major role in the 1990’s madcap adventure Tech Boom! His silly catch phrases, "are you kiddin' me!" and "Why am I not dead yet!" won the hearts and minds of a generation. 


Since that time he had fallen into heavy prescription drug abuse as a way of coping with the loss of his wealth, which his parents (the Government) had squandered trying to start an organic Emu farm. More on this story as it develops.