He may attempt to run away or hide. Your shit may become argumentative and decide out of nowhere that he's the bigger, stronger entity. Maybe he'll try to find another woman to tell him what to do. BOO WHOO. Remember, you are not in this "relationship" to snuggle and love on one another! You are here to compete!
1. Always Be Winning (not whining).
Make sure he understands that you are always right. How is that possible? You MUST WIN ALL fights. Take a page out of GITMO's terrorism interrogation handbook, mentally speaking.
Yell at him loudly, slowly, and make your eyes do that thing (ladies know what this means). Bring up instances from the past that are sore subjects and never cry unless it is to your advantage. Also, make sure you are wearing the fancy bra that pushes up your sexy chest-muffins so that your shit remembers whats at stake here.
Yell at him loudly, slowly, and make your eyes do that thing (ladies know what this means). Bring up instances from the past that are sore subjects and never cry unless it is to your advantage. Also, make sure you are wearing the fancy bra that pushes up your sexy chest-muffins so that your shit remembers whats at stake here.
2. Always have a large object close by in case you must assault your shit.
While this is a last-ditch resort, knocking him out and tying him up will let your shit know that you mean business. Always remember at the beginning of a fight to keep his keys and/or wallet in your pocket. If he tries to leave before it's over, you can be waiting with a smirk on your face when he returns. He's got to learn IT'S NEVER OVER! Now you have emasculated your shit without whining and looking vulnerable.
3. Suck On His Wiener.
Sometimes you have to pander to your shit, and this is one of those instances. Maybe you don't like it, but with success cums (sic) sacrifice. If you have a flawless technique, over time, you will learn what gets your shit off quickly and be able to ridicule him mercilessly for being inadequate in the bedroom.
4. Repeat Step Three A LOT.
Remember this method can be used at ANY time, and allows a woman to have full control, as well as his most valuable possession in between your pearly white teeth. This method is 100% effective, and can also be used for revenge.
5. Repeat Step Three: Variation
Utilize the wiener suck at a random opportunity when your shit is looking too smug for his own good. Randoms have a purpose: to take him down a peg and prove your value to him. How does this make sense? Well my little flower, we must NEVER FOLLOW THROUGH ON A RANDOM! Yes, as your shit is about to make his glorious release, we decide our jaw hurts, and walk away. This leaves your shit with blue balls, and a reminder that his mouth will NEVER reach. EVER!
6. GO IN FOR THE KILL!
Remember ladies, you're trying to cripple an ego here. Ego's are like bedbugs, they are impossible to destroy without money. Yes, a man with a car is nice, but you don't want your shit to drive away do you? Smash everything that allows for escape or is of value. If he has money, spend it. If he has a car, burn out the clutch, or wreck it after a crazy fight and blame it on him being an asshole.
Remember ladies, you're trying to cripple an ego here. Ego's are like bedbugs, they are impossible to destroy without money. Yes, a man with a car is nice, but you don't want your shit to drive away do you? Smash everything that allows for escape or is of value. If he has money, spend it. If he has a car, burn out the clutch, or wreck it after a crazy fight and blame it on him being an asshole.
7. FINISH HIM!
Are there sassy sluts at his work attempting to tap your shit? Get him fired. Make your shit rely solely on you for about two weeks. He will feel incredibly guilty and at this point, you have completely emasculated your shit and gained control.
Finally:
Now your shit has no job, no car, and no dignity. This is the honeymoon phase for controlling women - your shit is now your play thing. When you are done with his ass, dump him. Now feel that? It's called "winning". Remember, it's never too late to get control of your shit. If you feel as if your shit is steppin' up, or getting too smart, try some of these easy methods to let him know what's up.
Finally:
Now your shit has no job, no car, and no dignity. This is the honeymoon phase for controlling women - your shit is now your play thing. When you are done with his ass, dump him. Now feel that? It's called "winning". Remember, it's never too late to get control of your shit. If you feel as if your shit is steppin' up, or getting too smart, try some of these easy methods to let him know what's up.
You're welcome.
@KRamZinSki is a contributing writer and author of the self-help books 'How To Deal With a Broken Heart', 'He's Really Into Someone Else', and 'Fuck Him, Shave Your Head'. Kat can currently be seen on her public access show The Boyfriend Whisperer.
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